Happy Valentine's Day!

Emily Heller is a pretty funny comedian.  She tells a lot of jokes about relationships and being single.  My favorite quote of her’s is, “I’ve been single for a while and I have to say its going very well.  Like… its working out.  I think I’m the one.”  It has become a meme because it is hilarious, but it is also a really good way to think about being single.

Valentine’s Day is hard for singles, even singles that are generally happy with their single status.  There is a cultural assumption that people are more happy paired, even though that is often not the case, especially for women (https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert).  As a result, singles are often focused on finding a good partner, and days like Valentine’s day serve as a reminder that a quality relationship remains elusive.

There is however a very important relationship that singles are in a great position to focus on - the relationship that we all have with ourselves.  People will come and go from our lives, kids grow up and leave home, partners may leave or pass, but we will always be there for ourselves.  It is important to make sure that we are in a loving and supportive relationship with ourselves.

We build good relationships with ourselves by taking care of ourselves, both mentally and physically.  We give ourselves opportunities to grow, and succeed.  We do things we love.  We seek help from outside sources when we need it.  We give ourselves praise when we deserve it, and learn from our mistakes instead of beating ourselves up over them.  We become the version of ourselves that feels good and right, and that we can be proud of.

For those of us that want to be paired, being awesome and feeling self confident is very attractive as well.  Taking good care of your self may help you find your perfect partner, and even if it doesn’t, you still become a happier more fulfilled version of you with a wonderful single life.

For those of you that have already found a wonderful partner, taking care of yourself is still important.  You cannot give to your relationship if you have nothing left to give.  As we are reminded on planes put your own oxygen mask on before you assist someone else.  You cannot care for others unless you care for yourself.  

To all of my readers, Happy Valentine’s Day!  I encourage you to treat yourself well today, and I hope that you are the best Valentine’s Day date you have ever had. 

Balance

It is the first day of fall here in the Northern Hemisphere, the Autumnal Equinox.  It is widely believed that the Autumnal Equinox is one of two days during the year where day and night are equally balanced.  While that is not strictly speaking true (listen to HYH episode 19 for details), it still serves as a wonderful bit of symbolism.  What better time of year for self reflection? All to often our lives are out of balance and we suffer for it, sometimes without even realizing it.

I started this I year in a bit of a tailspin.  My husband of nearly 14 years told me before the start of the new year that he wanted a divorce. I found, heading into the new year, that my life was terribly out of balance. I was stressed, out of shape, and over worked. I hadn’t been taking care of myself. However, the divorce, as awful as it was, forced me to reassess my life, figure out what was important to me, reestablish my goals, and realign my behavior so that I could meet my goals.

It started with something simple. I was feeling overwhelmed, and I needed a sense of accomplishment, so I set a goal that I knew I could keep. I committed to doing just one push up a day, and I did one push up a day. Or, I started with one push up a day. Once I got moving I gained momentum and I did more.

I started doing yoga, and felt my stress slipping away. I stretched along with Adrienne from Yoga with Adrienne every morning before work. I took up biking after a hiatus that had been far too long, and I rediscovered an old love - ballroom dancing. I also cleared the clutter in my house, and along with it much of the clutter in my mind. I became more me.

I started out simply trying to take better care of myself, and gain a little balance in my life. While I still have a very long way to go before I have met my goals, I am already far healthier, happier, and less stressed than I have been in years.

Good can come out of the worst of situations. Today is the perfect opportunity to reflect on our lives, start taking care of ourselves, and begin the journey that ends with each of us being the best version of ourselves.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my readers and listeners for your continuing support. During this trying year it meant the world to me.